“Don’t look up now, but the little girl’s got a grenade.”

I was checking my mail on the ground level of my apartment complex moments ago.  I wear headphones almost always, especially since I decided to embrace creativity wholeheartedly.  I was wearing my Grado’s and listening to Synthesis by Evanescence.  They’re my best cans, and excellent with orchestral and rock music.  (Probably every other kind, too.)

I’ve decided never to leave my apartment with them on in the future.  For a few reasons.  First, because I thought they were ugly so I replaced the earpads (when they wore out) with one red and one blue, instead of the original all black.  Unfortunately, instead of making them look cool, it makes them stand out in addition to being ugly.  Second, because I just got caught saying, “I effing love this album so much I feel like crying again.  Thank you, Jesus!”

I know.   I’m going to go ahead and assume I’m sofa king banned from the atheists only mixer this year.  I’m pretty sure both of my neighbors are relaying this unfortunate incident to whoever was nearby as I type this.  If I were as selfish now as when a teenager, I would wish (to myself) the North Korean IIC (Infant in Charge, because that’s a thing now,) would drop a missile directly on my present coordinates.  The worst part is, I said it loudly because I’m a doof who talks (and sings) louder when wearing headphones.  (Even though every single time, I immediately regret it.)

You can see why I still pray and maintain an internal dialogue with Jesus, right?  I can’t afford to give up harmless habits that make being me a little less (word that works here.)  So I don’t.  I’m glad I gave up dropping F-bombs as if I was getting paid.  I should probably stop using effing, feck, and the like, as well.  (Pretty sure no one is confused about what it’s replacing.)  The only silver lining I can think of right now is that this might be actual evidence I’m funny.  Just not on purpose.  And not to me (until I get over myself.)  My neighbors were laughing (hard) when I fled.  Sigh.  I’ll take it.

Title quote from ImperfectionSynthesisEvanescence 2017.  (Poets:  IKR!!)

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