“I guess this is my life now.”

child riding bike

I fucking hate meth. Hitler was a meth addict. I strongly suspect it’s the main thing in common with much of Cult 45. I can’t hate a meth addict, but holy shit, they tend to misbehave to an astonishing degree. Thank goodness addiction is treatable. The remedy is an ongoing adaptation until it no longer owns you, much like with depression. It’s well within my six degrees of empathy. πŸ‘πŸ½ I was forced to ingest meth eleven times. (I’m free of that mess now.) What I most recall is thinking it must be what Alzheimer’s feels like. It literally cut off access to organized thought. I didn’t use it as an escape from reality. The entire time, I was fighting its effects desperately. I suspect it’s why I didn’t become addicted.

I felt victimized by it, as it was used to abuse me. It’s so weird for something like that to shield me from an illness. Thankful, anyway. When it was no longer forced upon me, I was so over it. I have no idea how to obtain it, and even if I did, I’m way too agoraphobic and autistic to leave my beloved apartment and venture into a completely unfamiliar, illegal, social situation with strangers. The only drug that could possibly get me to do all that is Edge of Seventeen level love. (And I’m too old experienced to act that foolishly on it, anyway.)

I hope someone is working on an antidote that flushes meth out of the body immediately. (‘Sup, dental insurance companies who like the money?) I also hate it when people portray meth addiction recovery as excruciatingly challenging to achieve. Not helpful. Fact: many people recover. I know several former meth users who are healthy and no longer using. Another point: You can’t use meth if you don’t have any. Find a new drug that doesn’t poison and decay your body in damn near realtime. (I suggest laughter.)

2 cats napping on a sofa

I fucking love podcasts. Remember that Apple ad that said, there’s an app for that? Welp, there’s a podcast for that also applies. If you have access to a cell phone, (occasionally internet-connected) tablet, or computer, and a pair of headphones, lean in. Podcasts have incredible potential to soothe an ache you feel but can’t necessarily pinpoint. It’s loneliness related. In 2020, you, me, and everyone we know is at least a little bit lonely. (Ooh! This is my line. Yay.) Figuring out how to communicate with other people successfully enough to relieve loneliness is like figuring out rocket science.

Podcasts that fit just right soothe loneliness because they’re quite intimate. You’re listening in on a conversation you can’t interrupt. If you’re like me and use headphones, it’s magnified. It feels like you’re sitting next to the people or person talking. It’s absolutely fooling something in my brain, because whatever hormones that make the experience worth risking IRL are also being released while listening to my favorite podcasts. I’m super picky about which ones I choose. I go by how they make me feel.Β  Naturally, every single podcast I listen to has an element of humor. Most have a whole lot. (Laughter addiction. Keep up. 🀭)

Search by things that interest you, and give it a try. If you have an Apple device, click the purple podcast icon, then the magnifying glass icon to type in your search parameters. Then start auditioning them until you find the one or several that make you feel better just by listening. Tell a friend or loved one. The best part is, housework, and similar chore-like behavior, are damn near fun while listening to podcasts. (My apartment looks fabulous.) Glad we had this talk. πŸ’œβœŒπŸ½


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